Christmas Time is Here

“Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.”

Clark Griswold, Christmas Vacation-

Watching Christmas Vacation in this house pretty much signifies that the holiday season is in full swing.

Christmas Vacation

I set out big pot of white bean and spinach soup, maple cinnamon popcorn, and a couple cherry and pomegranate martinis.

Then we slurped, crunched, and sipped our way through all the  Griswold shenanigans.

In a perfect Christmas world, I would have a cup of old-fashioned egg nog sloshing around a Marty the Moose glass in one hand, and  a big old piece of rich chocolate fudge in the other hand.

Marty the moose mug

Since raw eggs aren’t my thang, I’ve developed quite an affection for Silk Nog.

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It’s especially delicious in hot mug of coffee when you can’t get your hands on Marty the Moose.

Christmas Vacation Moose Mug

And you know what makes that hot cup of nog coffee even better?

That’s right.

Fudge.

Vegan Fudge.

TWO INGREDIENT VEGAN FUDGE.

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It’s a Christmas Miracle!

It’s  a Wonderful Life!

It’s the hap, hap, happiest Christmas discovery since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye.

There are no weird or unusual ingredients in this recipe, which is annoyingly common in vegan fare.

Coconut butter?

Sorry my small town Food Lion just ran out of their last jar.

Usually it’s next to the Kale chips and Spirulina powder but that $20.00 jar of coconut butter seems to be flying off the shelves.

No worries, the only two things you need for classic, no fuss fudge is chocolate frosting and chocolate chips.

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That’s it.

In all honesty, I skipped the plastic container of frosting, even though it is often curiously vegan, and made a batch of my own.

I used the recipe found in Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World, but your favorite frosting recipe should work.

Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World

I also use Ghiradhelli semi-sweet chocolate chips because they are non-dairy and delicious.

Semi-sweet chipsUse whatever you have and whatever you like.

If you’re so inclined, you could use any combination of frosting and chips.

White Chocolate Cinnamon?

Caramel Butterscotch?

Chocolate Peppermint?

The possibilities are endless.

VEGAN CHOCOLATE FUDGE

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1 cup of chocolate chips

1 cup of chocolate frosting

Melt chocolate chips over a double boiler or simply microwave in 30 second increments, stirring after each round.

Stir together melted chocolate chips and frosting until smooth.

Spread evenly into 9 x 5 loaf pan, heavily greased or lined with tinfoil

Refrigerate until firm.

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Vegan Chocolate Fudge?

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Hallelujah! Holy Shit!

Where’s the Tylenol?

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

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HALLOWINNING

I’m trying to convince my husband to let me be a stay-at-home wife, but he’s not having it.

The thing is, work is really starting to interfere with my recreational time.

In my fictional life, I spend all my time at home cooking delicious recipes and organizing my home.

In my real life, aint nobody got time for that.

Well, maybe I would have more time if I didn’t spend 7 hours of my Saturday burning caramel popcorn that I was trying to make for a Halloween party.

WHY IS CARAMEL SO HARD!?!?!

I barely had time to put on my Halloween costume.

Which is less of a costume and more of a fantasy.

It’s what I really want to be when I grow up.

Liberated women everywhere, be warned.

This will shock and terrify you.

A true Halloween horror to the feminist movement.

I want to be a 50’s housewife.

Halloween 2013

The whole “working outside of the home” thing was way overrated.

I don’t think women in the 70’s considered the consequences of their actions.

In what universe did it seem like a bad idea to let someone else go to work everyday and bring home money for you?

So anyway,  as the bewitching hour neared on Saturday, managing my time got a little tricky,

I had no time to cook up a Halloween treat.

And I burned the shit out of 7 batches of caramel.

I didn’t have any more time to burn.

So I mixed up a no-cook honey caramel concoction.

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And added bourbon.

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Because bourbon is timeless.

NO-COOK BOURBON HONEY CARAMEL SAUCE

1 cup honey

2 tablespoon non-dairy butter

1 teaspoon bourbon

1/2 teaspoon molasses

Combine all ingredients in a bowl and stir to combine.

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Collect award for best costume.

Halloween Winning

Even though I look like a scary mess in this photo.

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HAPPY HALLOWEEN!