For Butter or for Worse

My husband asked me to stop making so much chocolate food.

I almost asked him for a divorce.

But then I realized that for the price of a lawyer, court costs, and divorce classes, I could buy A LOT of chocolate.

Sometimes I think me and my husband are more different than alike.

Like, we could have been on Maury Povich when every other Wednesday the show was about couples that were “100% Opposite and 100% in Love.”

He’s tall.

I’m short.

He likes Cross-Fit.

I like yoga.

He plays video games.

I read books about how to get your husband to stop playing video games.

Even our dogs are opposites.

His dog eats animals.

My dog prefers vegetables.

I don’t know which is worse-trying to put my dog inside a pumpkin or actually thinking my dog was going to fit inside this pumpkin.

But marriage is about finding common ground.


“What do you want?”

“Something with apples.”


He’s dying.

My meat-eating, Cross-fitting, Taco Bell binging, chocoholic husband just asked for something with apples.

He’s probably on his death bed, delusional, and speaking gibberish.



Maybe we’re more alike than I thought.

We go together like chocolate and peanut butter


like apples and almonds.

Almond and apple butters are combined to make a marriage made in food heaven.  You can make your own butters or you can buy them pre-made and put this together in about two minutes.

To make your own almond butter: Add 3 cups of almonds to a food processor and process until smooth. Add salt, if desired.

To make your own apple butter: Add 5 lbs. of apples and 1/2 cup of water and 1/2 cup maple syrup or honey to a crockpot. Cook on high for four hours and then puree. Return to crock pot and continue cooking until desired consistency (about 2-4 more hours).


1 cup apple butter

1/2 cup almond butter

2 tablespoons maple syrup (optional)

*I added maple syrup because both my apple and almond butters were unsweetened. You probably won’t need additional sweetener if using store bought apple butter.

Add almond butter, apple butter, and maple syrup if using to a medium sized bowl.

Mix thoroughly.

Store in an airtight container for as long as you can keep your face out of it.

Almond Apple Butter.

For butter or worse.

In sickness and in health.

Till death do us part.

I do.


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