Kayakity Yak (Don’t talk back)

 My parents spent 18 years telling me what to do.

Clean your room

Play nice with your sister

Do the dishes

Stop getting fired from all your jobs

Put gas in the car before it runs out……again

Put the vodka back

Now that I’m an adult, I get to tell them what to do.

At least while they’re on vacation at my house.

Me: Hey! Let’s go rock climbing!

Mom: No.

Step-dad: Inaudible. He’s busy eating raspberry cremes.

Me: Great. We have to be at the group class at 11.

Me: Hey! Want to go kayaking?

Mom: No.

Step-dad: Inaudible. He’s busy eating chocolate covered cashews.

Me: Good. It opens at noon. Bring your water shoes.

The day started off nice enough. It was partly cloudy when we left but the sun was shining brightly when we arrived at our destination in beautiful Cape Henlopen State Park in Lewes, Delaware.

We got fitted for our life jackets.

Some fit better than others.

Then we got a brief lesson in paddling. This information would become invaluable shortly.

And we were ready roll. Or paddle, rather.

Let’s see if we can paddle to that lighthouse! It’s will be an easy, relaxing mile.

If the two of you don’t get yourselves together, I will turn this boat right around………..

Um, guys? It’s getting kind of dark.

Ok, really dark.

Oh crap. That was lightning.

Then a monsoon descended on us (I swear) and we began furiously paddling back to shore.

We were told to go to the nearest point of land which, of course, was nowhere near the kayak shack.

Hon, could you pull the kayak 1/2 mile down the beach through the wet sand? Thanks. Watch out for that jellyfish.

If we weren’t in the middle of Hurricane Katrina reincarnated, I would have snapped a photo of my mom getting back to the beach, looking up wondrously at the lightning show, and diving back into the water. She came up laughing like a five-year old playing in rain puddles instead of a grandmother diving into an ocean capable of conducting electric currents.

Who is this person? I feel like I don't even know you anymore.

Know what makes kayaking through a lightning storm better?

Getting an inclement weather refund.

Cha-ching!

I was feeling kind of bad for putting my family on death row (Ha! Get it? Is is still funny if I have to point it out in parenthesis?), so I figured I’d make it up to them by baking up some cinnamon raisin bread.

I have never made raisin bread from scratch before, so I thought a culinary adventure would be a nice follow-up to our fitness fiasco.

It started with a basic sweet bread dough consisting of butter, flour, sugar, yeast, egg, and salt.

This all gets mixed together to form a nice, yeasty batter.

Then the raisins get added. The dough is obviously tired from the beating it just took so now it needs to rest.

After it has rested (and grown into a mammoth,  overflowing mass of dough) it gets rolled out and sprinkled with a cinnamon sugar mixture.

I’m sure you would like to see a picture of this process, but I forgot to take photos. Deal with it.

The mass of dough then gets rolled with the cinnamon sugar mixture tucked in as snug as a bug in a rug.

At this point it resembles a large, white snake. Snakes are nasty. Go ahead and chop it into three even sections.

Form it into a loaf and place it in a greased bread pan.

All that rolling and stretching made it tired again so it has to take another little lie down. So lazy, this bread.

After it rises, bake the cinnamon snake pieces for about 45 minutes until the top is golden brown.

Drizzle with icing.

When your husband tries to steal a slice, make him food porn it first.

Get mad when he doesn’t use a pretty mat and make him do it again.

I assure you, no one was irritated that I kept making them wait to eat their food until I had an approved picture.

Ah. Live vicariously through family members because I’m still not eating gluten. Consider chucking the allergy challenge diet and scarfing half the loaf. Reconsider since I will probably have to sport a bathing suit and don’t want to sport a food baby.

                   Begin the search for gluten-free goodies.

                     In the meantime……

                   Cinnamon Raisin Bread

(See original recipe here)

                   1 1/2 cups milk

                    1 cup warm water (110 degrees F/45 degrees C)

                    2 (.25 ounce) packages active dry yeast

                    3 eggs

                    1/2 cup white sugar

                    1 teaspoon salt

                    1/2 cup margarine, softened

                    1 cup raisins

                    8 cups all-purpose flour

                    2 tablespoons milk

                    3/4 cup white sugar

                    2 tablespoons ground cinnamon

                    2 tablespoons butter, melted

To make glaze: Combine 1 cup powdered sugar about 1 tbs. milk. Add more milk if glaze is not thin enough. You should be able to drizzle it with a spoon.

            Directions

                   1.  Dissolve yeast in warm water, and set aside until yeast is frothy.  Mix in milk,  eggs, sugar, butter or margarine, salt, and raisins.  Add the flour gradually to make a stiff dough.

                    2. Knead dough on a lightly floured surface for a few minutes.  Place in a large, greased, mixing bowl, and turn to grease the surface of the dough.  Cover with a damp cloth.  Allow to rise until doubled.

                    3. Roll out on a lightly floured surface into a large rectangle about 24 inches long and 1/2 inch thick.  Moisten dough with 2 tablespoons milk.

4. Mix together 3/4 cup sugar and 2 tablespoons cinnamon, and sprinkle mixture on top of the moistened dough.  Roll up tightly; the roll should be about 3 inches in diameter.

5.Cut into thirds, and tuck under ends.  Place loaves into well-greased 9 x 5 inch pans.  Lightly grease tops of loaves.  Let rise again for 1 hour.

                    6. Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 45 minutes, or until loaves are lightly browned

If desired, drizzle with glaze.

The crew before the kayaking adventure got all Gilligan's Island.

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2 thoughts on “Kayakity Yak (Don’t talk back)

  1. Thanks Lisa! Not sure about the bread machine but I’m sure there are some yummy recipes out there specifically for a bread machine. Maybe sunny seeds would make an appearance?

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