Salsa Dancing

    I love condiments.  So much so that food becomes a mere vessel for which I can consume tasty toppings.  I love wasabi, barbeque sauce, marinades, vinegar, hot sauce,  mustard, pickles, salsa,  ketchup, teriaki sauce,  jam, preserves, honey, molasses, whipped topping,  oh I love it all.   I  whole heartedly tried to not like ketchup (ya know, high fructose corn syrup and all that) but then they came out with all natural ketchup and now I seek the stuff out like a heroin addict trying to get the next fix. I put it on everything.  I lost a little respect for husband when he implied that eggs are not an appropriate vessel for ketchup. Its asinine to think that ketchup and eggs don’t belong together as much as chicken noodle soup and a baseball bat.  Husband has no repsect for condiments anyway.  This is the very same man that once immediately vomited when I told him he accidentally ate mayonaise. Yesterday. 

 I frequently find myself planning my meals around a particular condiment craving.  That’s right. I don’t prepare food and then add a nice  finishing touch of this or that. The condiment is the main event.  For example, hot chocolate is a  steamy hot tub for whipped cream, veggie burgers are the perfect plate for ketchup,  shrimp are shaped  for scooping up wasabi,  slices of apple make more surface area for  a honey drizzle, and tortilla chips are simply a shovel for salsa.  If you are having a party, you should never leave me around the dip for very long. I will eat all the dip and discard the dippers. They are worthless. 

I am going somwhere with this. I promise.

Husband bought a stack of corn tortillas a few weeks back.  As if two mortals could go through 30 corn tortillas in a reasonable amount of time.  It’s not even like corn tortillas are soft and sweet like the flour kind. No, they are gritty and salty and they smell like the mexican restaurant I got fired from when I was fifteen.  I hate wasting food but I do love the challenge of trying to figure out how to use up an ingredient  before it goes bad.  Enter baked corn tortilla chips and homemade salsa.  I realize I’m not exactly a genius for preparing this recipe, but it should be noted that both torilla chips and salsa are super easy to make and infinately healthier than anything you can buy at the store. Plus, it just tastes fresher.

Look ma! I can do fractions! And cut in a straight line! I guess that public school education wasnt so bad after all.

Some people like to junk up their salsa with all kinds of peppers, vinegar, and about 37 seasonings. I prefer to keep it simple and use chopped tomatoes, onion, jalepeno pepper, cilantro, and salt.  My sister tells me this is actually pico de gallo.  Until I figure out what the heck pico de gallo actually is, I am calling it fresh salsa. 


6 Roma tomatoes                               

1/2 red or yellow onion

1 jalepeno

Handful of fresh cilantro

As with most of my recipes, I don’t actually measure ingredients. I just combine things until I think it looks the way it’s supposed to. So use your judgment here.  Chop the tomatoes and put into a large bowl. Then chop the onion, jalepeno, and cilantro.  Gather it all into one pile and keep chopping until there aren’t dinasaur sized chunks of onion or jalepeno.  Combine wih tomatoes and add salt to taste.

I managed to salvage 7 un-burned chips just so I could trick you into thinking Im actually a competent cook.

As for the chips, stop paying for namebrand bags of air, oil, and subsidized corn and make your own at home.  Spritz the tortilla rounds with olive oil and a sprinkle of salt. Cut into four or eight triangles and place on cookie sheet. Bake at 400 degrees for…..shoot…….I don’t know how long I baked them. Bake them until the look like a chip, ok? It’s not difficult. When it looks crunchy, take them out of the oven.  If your aunt calls right before you’re supposed to take them out and you accidently burn the tar out of them, throw them away and tell your husband he must have eaten more tortillas than he originally thought.  

I just realized I should have saved this post for Cinco de Mayo.


One thought on “Salsa Dancing

  1. Ok, so you had me at ….”shovel for salsa.” You know, I live for salsa and chips. I was just actually going to request a low-fat recipe from you! Then I saw this. 🙂 Also try baking them sprinkled with water and a little bit of cinnamon sugar—paired with a peanut butter/caramel dip—-YUMMY!

    Also, you must have forgotten to use an apostrophe in the word “wasn’t”, as your public school writing mechanics/editing education taught you! We forgive you.

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